The following is my open letter to Santa Claus.
Dear Mr. Claus…
It’s been a while since I’ve written you a letter – in fact, I think it’s been over 20 years! I don’t know if that makes me old, or makes you even older. Maybe even ancient! I suppose I shouldn’t offend you if I’m writing you a letter, huh? Whoops.
I think I’ve been a pretty good girl this year: I finished my writing course and held an A average, I haven’t complained too much about having to wait so long between seasons of Game of Thrones, and I choose to believe that those countless hours on the phone helping my mom navigate her computer was my good deed for the year.
So, Mr. Claus – Santa, if I may be so bold – I’m not asking for much, but I’d be grateful for any of the following things:
- A credit card that someone else pays for. Obviously this is at the top of my list. Not too much to ask for, right? It’s not like I’m going to spend thousands of dollars a day, but to have someone pay for everything for a little while would be pretty epic.
- Blake Lively’s hair. Please? Pretty pretty please? It’s just so luscious and long and thick. It’s probably the most gorgeous hair ever. And, well, I guess while we’re at it…
- Blake Lively’s husband. My boyfriend and I will share him, and we’ll be really nice to him. We’ll feed him and love him and make sure he’s well taken care of, I promise!
- My landlord’s pet dander allergy to disappear. Just let me get that kitten I’ve wanted to get for years!
- A cure for hangovers. The older I get the worst they get, so, let’s compromise here. There’s gotta be something you can do.
- An unlimited supply of wine. This speaks for itself.
- Success and happiness in whatever I chose to do. If there’s anything on this list that I’m wishing for the most, it’s this. Whatever I decide to do with my life, I want to be successful and happy. It’ll take hard work and dedication, but I’m ready for it. I’ve been preparing for 28 years!
Well, Santa, that’s pretty much it.
I know I’m a little late in the game by writing you this letter on Christmas Eve, but I’m certain you’ve seen how busy I’ve been. I hope you have the chance to read this, but I understand if you don’t. You’ve been just as busy as I have.
But as you think of just dismissing my letter and throwing it away, think of this face:
You can’t say no to this face. And I’m just as cute.
Send the Mrs. all of my love, and give all of the reindeer carrots for me.
Have a safe trip tonight, and Merry Christmas!